Ben Stokes has revealed he feared he may never play cricket again while taking a break from the sport to prioritise his mental health last year.
Stokes, who was appointed as England's Test captain in April, spent five months away from the sport in 2021 after suffering panic attacks.
The 31-year-old had taken a period of compassionate leave to spend time with his father ahead of his passing in December 2020, having previously struggled after rushing his recovery from a broken figure.
Ahead of the airing of an Amazon Prime documentary detailing Stokes' experiences throughout that time, he recalled how his decision to step away from cricket was the culmination of a long-term battle.
"It wasn't a case where it was a two-week thing or a couple of months thing, the whole thing was a build-up over a long, long period of time, maybe two, three, four years," Stokes told the BBC.
"It was like I had a glass bottle I kept on throwing my emotions and feelings into. While I was doing that, the bottle was filling up to where, eventually, it got too full and just exploded. I reacted in the way I did and felt like, 'I need to get away from here'."
Asked whether he considered calling time on his playing career, Stokes said: "At the time, yeah, that's where I was at. It was a very, very tough time.
"One of the more powerful things that I notice from the film, was when Stuart Broad was on camera and he said the same thing, he actually said he could see me not playing again.
"I had never spoken to Stuart about that through my time away. I spoke to him a lot through that period but just general chit-chat, nothing too serious.
"I had never said the words to him, 'I'm not sure if I'm going to play again', but the fact that he got that feeling was an eye-opener to me that at that time, things were quite bad."
After assuming the captaincy in April, Stokes oversaw four consecutive victories, three against New Zealand and one against India, before England were thrashed within three days by South Africa at Lord's last week.
While Stokes believes his early success as skipper vindicates the decision to take a break, he was left irritated when his struggles became a talking point after his appointment.
"When Joe [Root] stepped down and the opportunity was there for me to take it, I was actually quite annoyed about some of the press around it, because they linked the England captaincy and my mental health break with each other," he added.
"It felt like people were saying I couldn't do the job because I decided to take a break for mental health last year.
"What's that got to do with being England captain? If anything, it shows that you can do anything, even if you have decided to take a break, it's fine.
"I did an interview where I'd give off this bravado of being a big tough northern lad with tattoos. I am tough, but that doesn't mean that I can't struggle mentally.
"These things, you can't pick and choose when they're going to hit you. It's not like a switch in your brain, going, 'today I'm going to feel good, tomorrow I'm going to feel bad'."
Stokes is also keen to ensure his willingness to talk about his mental health acts as an inspiration for younger generations, adding: "We all know that as England players, we've got more responsibility than just going out and performing on the field.
"Young kids these days will look at us and want to play like us, they'll want to do what we do because that's who they look up to.
"If I was to shy away and not speak about anything that I've gone through, I don't think I would be doing the responsibility that's been set on me. Shying away is something I would never do."
IPL: Mumbai Indians condemned to last-place finish after 18-run defeat to Super Giants
Rohit Sharma's half-century was not enough for Mumbai Indians as they slipped to an 18-run defeat to Lucknow Super Giants at Wankhede Stadium.
The defeat consigned Mumbai to bottom place in the Indian Premier League for the second time in the space of three seasons, after losing 10 matches this year.
LSG were also left to lament their misfortune, as despite reaching 14 points, they did not qualify for the play-offs.
KL Rahul's 55 got the ball rolling for Lucknow, but their innings was ebbing out until Nicholas Pooran's dazzling 29-ball 75 took them to 214-6, despite the efforts of Nuwan Thushara (3-28) and Piyush Chawla (3-29), who stepped up in Jasprit Bumrah's absence.
Rohit's 38-ball 68 set the tone for what looked set to be a promising Mumbai chase, as he struck 13 boundaries around a short rain delay.
However, Mumbai went from 88 without loss to 120-5 in the space of six overs, leaving the tail with too much of a mountain to climb.
Data Debrief: Lucknow miss out
While Mumbai sit bottom of the pile yet again, it is a case of what might have been for LSG, who for the first time in their three-season history, failed to make the top four.
Fourteen points is often enough to get over the line and into the play-offs, but their poor net run rate of -0.667 means they miss out.
Tape ball programme can help England find unorthodox talent – Richard Gould
The England and Wales Cricket Board hopes to unearth a new seam of talent beyond the game’s traditional league structure with a national tape ball scheme that allows players to thrive without “whites, willow and leather”.
The practice of using a soft ball wrapped in electrical tape to aid swing and variable bounce is a common one in Asia, where it has helped produce express pace bowlers like Haris Rauf, Shaheen Afridi and spinners such as Rashid Khan and Shakib-al-Hasan, but has been slow to enter the mainstream conversation in the United Kingdom.
The Chance to Shine charity has long pioneered tape ball cricket as part of its engagement hubs and now, with the ECB keen to live up to its lofty aspiration of becoming the most inclusive team sport in the country, it is at the heart of a new core cities programme designed to engage ‘diverse communities in urban areas’.
Speaking at a launch event where games were hosted in a warehouse space in Birmingham, ECB chief executive Richard Gould was optimistic about reaching out to those with an interest in cricket but limited access to the pavilions and prepared pitches in the club setup.
“We talk about clubs with picket fences around them. In the past that has been seen as the preserve of the ECB. We’ve missed a complete trick on that,” he said.
“When we talk about the recreational game we’re not just talking about Premier League clubs and village cricket clubs now. We’re talking about all forms of cricket that take place.
“You can play the game anywhere, any time, with anybody, in any environment you want. You don’t have to have whites, willow and leather to do it. You can just pick up a bat and a ball and have some fun.”
As well as fulfilling its remit of reaching out to all comers at a grassroots level, Gould also believes there are benefits to finding cricketers with different styles who have learned the game outside the traditional, private-school heavy pathways.
“Without doubt there are,” he said. “We have to get out and try to find the talent. More to the point, we have to try and find talent in areas that we haven’t normally looked for it.
“I do think county pathways will be looking to make sure they don’t miss out on this talent. It’s just about punching through all of our normal procedures and finding ways to both get people in the game and unearthing that talent which may be unorthodox and great.”
Meg Lanning: Exercise obsession and not enough fuel led to Australia retirement
Former Australia captain Meg Lanning revealed her “obsession” with exercise and not eating enough precipitated her surprise international retirement late last year.
Lanning was at the helm of one of the most dominant eras the sport has ever seen but she missed last year’s Ashes for medical reasons and pulled the plug on her Australia career in November.
She opened up about her hidden health issues on the Howie Games podcast, explaining that running up to 90 kilometres a week coupled with eating two small meals a day led to her dropping from 64kg to 57kg.
View this post on Instagram“I was over-exercising and under-fuelling,” the 32-year-old said. “It wasn’t a physical thing. I’ve always been really physically active and liked that side of it, but it became a bit of an obsession.
“I’d maybe eat a couple of meals a day if I was lucky but they weren’t significant. Initially it didn’t start off as a deliberate thing, it just became a bit of a new normal.
“But it slowly crept into conscious decisions because essentially I felt good.
“I wasn’t getting injured like everybody was telling me I was going to do. It sort of just spiralled and I was in denial, even though everybody kept telling me something wasn’t quite right.
“I was not in a place to be able to go on tour and play cricket and give the commitment levels that were required for that Ashes series, mentally and physically.”
Lanning, who led Australia to five World Cup titles in total and Commonwealth Games glory in 2022, said her struggle was not officially diagnosed as an eating disorder.
“It wasn’t labelled as that but I was exercising a lot and I wasn’t eating enough to fuel that – it was a bit out of whack,” Lanning said.
“It was a bit of control because I felt very out of control with what my future looked like. I felt like I was in control of that and that made me feel better.”
Lanning sought help from medical professionals after also struggling with insomnia and continues to play domestically, while she has been signed for London Spirit for The Hundred this year.
“I dreaded night time because I knew I would go to bed and not be able to sleep,” she said. “That would make me so mad. I would just get more angry with myself. If you can’t sleep, you can’t do anything.
“I feel like I’m in a good spot now. Cricket is still part of what I do. But I wasn’t cut out for the international touring schedule and what came with all of that.”
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